The Mourning Quilt
It's a finish!
60 x 80
hand quilted
My granddaughter Kayla unexpectedly passed away in January 2022 at the age of 17. Her cause of death is still kind of a mystery but the death certificate after autopsy listed it as "probable cardiac arrhythmia". Kayla lived with me most of her short life and for a few years I was her guardian so she was more like a daughter than a granddaughter. She and another granddaughter, born 5 weeks apart, came into our lives when my husband was at his lowest point with oropharyngeal cancer - angels that gave him a will to live.
I've struggled with depression since I was a teenager and I know myself well enough to set daily, weekly, monthly and long term goals or I would spend my days in bed. I set goals I can accomplish because I have a fear of failure (and debt). After Kayla's death I knew the grief could consume me so one of my goals was to work on a quilt of hearts every day- Sweetheart, Heart throb, Love, Cardiac Arrhythmia, Broken Heart.
Most of the 4 inch Hearts are made of scraps - pink, white, red. I alternated light and dark blocks in the quilt.
I hand quilted about 1/4 inch inside each block with perle cotton #12. I used white thread in the light blocks and red thread in the dark blocks.
The red tone on tone backing has dragonflies in it. Kayla liked those temporary tattoos and usually wore a dragonfly or butterfly. The strange thing is that a week after she passed away she received a couple of dragonfly tattoos in the mail that she had ordered on line. I used a tone on tone fabric so the hand stitched hearts would show up.
I had an extra heart left over that I used for the label. My printing doesn't show up all that well on it. I guess I should have used black instead of red marker. It reads:
Grandma's Mourning Quilt
Kayla
2004 - 2022
And as for the rest of the story...I finished the quilt a few days ago. That night I woke up to go to the bathroom and strangely enough I thought I smelled Kayla's perfume. Kayla knew I don't really like strong perfume smells. They make my nose run and my eyes water and sometimes give me a sneezing fit. A few weeks before she died she was wearing a new perfume. I loved it and told her it made her smell like a sugar cookie. That made her smile.
And then after I went to the bathroom I decided to read a book (The Irish Nanny by Sandy Taylor) as I often do when I wake up in the middle of the night. And strangely enough after a page or two there was a quote by George Eliot -
“She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts.”
Like I said...strangely enough...
And sew on...
39 comments:
A lovely quilt finish, Cathy! Sending quilty hugs to go along with the ones you will get when wrapped in Grandma's Mourning Quilt.
Cathy, this is so beautiful. I'm all teary eyes. God bless you and no, it is not "strangely enough". I believe. My brother comes and visits us sometimes. He passed away 15 years ago and yet, every now and again I smell his cigarette burning. God bless you. ;^)
Lovely quilt! A great memorial to Kayla and a good way to ease your grief.
Oh Cathy, I am so touched by your beautiful testimony and post.
I do believe that all these are possible and I know that these signs warm and give confort to your heart.
Very beautiful your heart quilt.
Hugs
that is a lovely memory quilt it will do your heart good to have it nearby. Sometimes I have dreams of my one of my two brothers that I lost - the one I dream of was only just turned 22 when he died in a car accident - he went so suddenly I always wonder if that is why the dreams of him seem so real - we have lost others in the family but I was able to say goodbye to them - but not John - I wonder if that is why the dreams seem so real? it has been 46 years since his passing.
Cathy. Your heart and soul, and all the love you have for Kayla is wrapped up in this beautiful quilt. Your spirit remains entwined with hers, and the veil that separates us from those who have gone on ahead is thin. Sometimes the veil is lifted for a brief time and the essence of the departed soul is revealed to us, a vision or a voice or an aroma. A brief reminder that there is indeed a life ahead of this earthly existence. God's blessings to you and your husband.
What a wonderful post, Cathy. Kayla will always be a part of your life. The sugar cookie scent (a little vanilla-y) is a lovely reminder.
(And the heart quilt is another beauty.)
I'm glad you hand quilted that one and spent a lot of quiet time with it. I hope it can be a celebration of her life every time you look at it and use it.
Beautiful hand quilted quilt Cathy, in memory of Kayla. There are much more between heaven and earth than we know, or understand.
Hi Cathy, I am wondering if you got snow today... the 'last hurrah' of the winter, perhaps. Behind it, if you are patient, will come crocuses and daffodils. The earth will bloom. Your heart will heal.
A beautiful tribute to Kayla and balm for your soul. The goal served you well through the year. I hope sharing allows you a bit of healing as your mourn her absence on earth. Hugs.
Cathy, your hearts made a beautiful quilt! So perfect to pour your grief into. I hope you have many lovely memories of your granddaughter wrapped in your quilt.
Hugs to you. And that's a quilt to hold back the dark if ever I saw one.
Before my mum died I would have pooh-poohed any idea of feeling or seeing a presence after someone died. I don’t now. I’m not religious in that I don’t follow any religion. But I feel my mum around me. And I talk to her. I have things she gave me that are incredibly precious and with which I will never part. My dad’s funny sayings pop into my head all the time too. I’m instantly transported back into my happy childhood every time I think of them. Quilts that I made for my mum and dad went into their coffins before they were cremated. I’m comforted by that.
A wonderful quilt to remember a special child for a quilty hug. Sending prayers that you feel God's comfort and healing.
My heart breaks for you. You did a masterful job. If I was handquilting something like your quilt, it would take me years. Praying comfort and peace for you and for depression to not settle into you.
bless your sweet heart...
As a fellow depression sufferer, I admire your ability to push forward despite everything life puts in your way. I guess my interest in staying organized is my way of trying to ward off my own demons. Your mourning quilt is a celebration of your love for Kayla - I know right now it represents loss and grief but I hope now that it is completed it can also represent the love you and Kayla shared.
Beautiful... I did need a tissue warning tho.
I love that you know yourself well enough that you know how to keep yourself on track, that is just amazing - but the way that you have been working thru this - turned out SO beautiful! it is a lovely tribute. Sending you GREAT big hugs!!
What a beautiful memorial quilt. God bless.
Such a lovely memorial quilt and congratulations on your finish! I hope it gives you lots of comfort and peace. It looks so warm and cheerful. I love the quote you posted by George Elliot. Grief is a rough journey and it takes work to get through it. It is something that we cannot leave behind but we can try to move forward. I battle depression too, so having goals and a sewing room helps. Know that you are not alone, and that you are loved! Heartfelt hugs to you.
A beautiful quilt in memory of your beautiful granddaughter. May you get peace and comfort from your heartfelt creation.
What a wonderful quilt. I confess the title of the blog post was what made me stop to see this. I pop in from time to time, but this grabbed me. My grandson, who was 15 passed away on January 17 of this year. They told us it would be 8 months to a year before we would have the autopsy and toxicology reports, so the death certificate says "pending". I have been trying to find something to work on to help me through, and I haven't found it yet, but I will. Thank you for the quote. I shall keep that to remind me.
The quilt is as beautiful as it is heart wrenching. And yes, I absolutely believe that scent was a smile.
Hugs and squeezes. What a fitting tribute to your love...
A memorial to Kayla - this powerful post straight from your heart reduced me to tears. Depression is not a good companion, I'm another who copes with depression and also the opposite side of the coin, I have a mood disorder. Thank you so much for sharing with us how you cope with depression, I think I should follow your example ]and set goals more than I do presently. Kayla would be so very proud of you right now. Grandma's Mourning Quilt is a beautiful tribute to Kayla.
Beautiful quilt, beautiful tribute. I love the George Eliot quote…a perfect description of of coming to terms with our grief.❤️❤️❤️
A beautiful post for a beautiful memory quilt honoring a beautiful spirit. Peace be with you.
Love to you and your tribute to Kayla. I too need to set goals, some days reachable, some days not
Such a beautiful quilt and a very touching story.
This is a very special quilt full of love and sorrow. Sending you lots of hugs and hope this quilt brings you comfort as a "lasting companion". We shall sew on....
Beautiful finish for a memorable quilt. Hope it brings you comfort thinking of her.
I hope sharing your love and loss of your beautiful granddaughter helps. Stitching can help calm a troubled mind of many things, stitch by stitch. Peace to you and yours.
Thank you for your beautiful post, Cathy, honouring your beautiful granddaughter, Kayla, and your amazing Mourning Quilt where each stitched heart is filled with love, sadness, grief, impossible times, determination, tenacity, vulnerability....oh, the gamut of human emotions. Your story is inspirational...and beautiful. May each one of those hand stitched, quilted hearts wrap you in all those beautiful memories you shared with your beloved Kayla. Your story has moved me deeply...thank you.
Oh my gosh, I just saw your post and don't know whether I should smile or cry. What a wonderful tribute to a lovely, gone-too-soon young woman. What a perfect image for a quilt of hearts. I hope you are doing well despite your grief. You truly wrote from the heart and I'm so grateful that you shared your journey with this quilt. There are no proper words except to say. How lucky you are to have known her and pretty much raised her. How sad to say goodbye too soon.
Kayla is sending those little signs of appreciation. She knows that you loved her very much. I am so sorry for your loss. I think your Mourning quilt is a wonderful way to channel your grief and help yourself get through your depression. It is beautiful. You have great strength.
Your quilt is beautiful and especially because you hand quilted it. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager also. I've been on many meds over the years and will need to continue them for life. I know what a struggle it is to stay positive and keep on pushing yourself to move forward even if just a little bit. On the outside, you seem to accomplish so, so much all around, so it's surprising to hear about the depression. I wish that I had a fraction of your accomplishments. I know that it helps to help others and you more than do your part in that respect. You are doing a wonderful job.
I've been in FL and just catching up with your posts. This may be a mourning quilt, but it is also a celebration of all you and Kayla meant to each other. I know it will bring yoou comfort and , hopefully, a little measure of peace, when you wrap it around you. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.
Pat
What a powerful post. Sharing your process for living with depression has surely helped someone. Your willingness to be vulnerable is admirable. I’m writing down the quote about grief for when I need it next. That is certainly how I’ve thought about it when I walked through it in the past. I’m sorry you lost your granddaughter so soon.
The quilt is beautiful. Wishing you comfort and peace today.
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